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By Groove Llama (firstname.lastname@example.org)
A fan fiction based on the smash Disney film "The Emperor's New Groove"
All elements including characters, situations and everything else associated with of "The Emperor's New Groove" are property of Disney Enterprises, Inc. Everything else is property of Groove Llama. This story is not meant to infringe on any copyrights but solely as fan appreciation and to spread the word on this great movie. This story is not connected with Disney Enterprises, Inc., its subsidiaries or "The Emperor's New Grove"
Chapter One: Still Hoofing It
"This can't be happening!" The image in the full-length mirror screamed. The face was long and narrow with two large round eyes, the ears were long and narrow, the neck was nice and lengthy, the entire body was covered with thick red fur except for the head which was black fur just like the bushy tail and the legs were long and muscular and each had a hoof. Each body part was that of a llama. The only odd thing besides the color scheme, not of a normal llama, was that this llama could talk. Not only talk but had the voice of an emperor. The emperor. Emperor Kuzco! This wasn't the first time this had happened to him. The last was the eve of his eighteenth birthday. Though back then he deserved it. Sort of. He was conquer of all he surveyed, leader of every soul as far as the eye could see and then some. But it wasn't until his transformation that he learned how to be a true leader. How a leader just doesn't bark out orders and care only of being pampered, but how he was responsible for everyone in his kingdom. How he had to care for his people and take their feelings into consideration. Now his people followed him not because his guards made them but because they actually like him. Thanks to a little help, well actually a lot of help, from his good friend Pacha he not only was transformed back into a human but also learned to change his ways. But that was then, for the now the past had returned. "I can't believe this is happening!" "You have said that five times already!" The squeaky voice came from a purple colored cat that was sitting next to him glaring in the mirror as well. Where the llama's expression was of horror the feline's was of joy. This did not go unnoticed. "Wait a moment," Kuzco's voice changed from fright to understanding as he glared directly at the cat. "The last time I was a llama it was because you did it. You turned me into a llama again Yzma!" "I only wish it was me," the kitty stated ecstatically. "And who would blame me if I did? After all, you turned me into a cat. A purple one with a squeaky voice to boot." In an effort to kill the emperor so she could take his place his trusted advisor had tried to poison him but her plan backfired and Kuzco was turned into a llama the first time. As she tried to finish the job she was accidentally turned into a cat. "That wasn't my fault!" The llama defended himself while trying to maintain some self-control. "You were the one who swallowed that potion on your own accord!" "Details. Details." "Besides," the llama continued exasperatingly. "You would have been allowed to be turned back into a human by now if you had learned the lesson." "Oh but I have," Yzma stated soulfully. "I really have oh great, wise and forgiving emperor." "And what exactly have you learned?" "Errr," the feline started awkwardly. "Don't, um, run with scissors?" "That is a good thing to remember but not exactly what we agreed on." "Trust no one and stab them in the back when you get the chance?" "No!" Kuzco thundered. "You are suppose to be learning how to be good. How to treat others with respect. How to be kind and sweet." "Oh that," Yzma states in a matter of fact tone. "I learned that weeks ago." "Is that a fact?" Kuzco stated bluntly. "Is that while I was listening to the request of the river villagers this morning you kept whispering in my ear behead them?" "Yes," the feline stated proudly. "They wanted to take the palace from you." "They asked if they could stay after their village had been wiped out by a flood!" "Same thing." "They were just wanting to stay until the flood had receded and they could start rebuilding their homes." "Well it deserves them right for building their homes so close to the water." "They're a fishing village!" The llama screamed with frustration. "They catch a majority of the fish for the kingdom!" "Even so," the kitty defended. "You do one nice thing for them and the whole kingdom will expect to be treated fairly. If you aren't mean and cruel how will they tell you part from the peasants?" "You're hopelessly evil." "Thank you." "Just for that I'm taking your ball of string away." "Go ahead," Yzma said uncaringly. "I don't need it, I can quick anytime I want." "Have it you way." There was a long unnerving pause. "Okay okay okay!" The feline quickly pleaded as she tugged on his leg. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! Honest!" "That's more like it." "Wait a moment!" Yzma cried. "You're a llama now! A stupid stinking llama! You can't give orders anymore!" "That is because you did this to me!" "I did not." "Then how do you explain I'm a llama again?" He demanded. "Not just any llama but a talking llama that is registered by Disney?" "If you weren't we couldn't have a sequel?" "Hmmm," the llama thought for a moment. "You have a point there." He came back to his senses. "But no one but you has the power and knowledge to do this to me!" "You are forgetting one thing," the feline explained. "While I'm a cat I can't make potions, only humans can do that. And since you destroyed my lab I couldn't concoct a potion even if I could." "I hate to admit it," Kuzco stated bluntly. "But you have a point there." "Of course." "This is the first time you have ever made sense." "Watch it!" "But if you didn't turn me into a llama who did?" The llama paused to think. "In fact the only ones who know I was turned into a llama the first time were Chicha, Kronk and Pacha." "They must be teaming up against you." Kuzco glared at her with a give me a break look. "You're right, together they don't have the intelligence of a chimpanzee." "Was the potion that turned me back to a human temporary?" "Nope," the cat confessed. "I wish that whole batch was then I wouldn't be a cat anymore. Though." "Though what?" "Potions are fragile mixtures," Yzma begins to explain. "They aren't designed to be jiggled around. In that finally battle where I was turned into a cat the potion was tossed around quite a bit as we fought over it. In fact, from the top of the palace all the way to the bottom. It is possible that all the shaking could have weakened the potion." "So it wore off and that is why I'm a llama again?" "That would be my guess." "So how do I get back to being a human?" "Well a human will have to concoct another human potion," Yzma explains. "Help me turn back into a human and I'll gladly do it for you." "Like I would trust you," Kuzco explained bluntly. "Besides, if I was going to do that I'd use the potion on myself instead." "Then I guess you are on your own." "That's it!" The llama cried. "I'm not on my own! The captain of the guard is stationed right outside my door, he can help me with this." "I wouldn't advise that." "Brunt!" Kuzco called out ignoring the feline. "Brunt! Front and center!" An instant later the door busted open and a burly man rushed into the room. He hasn't that tall but what he lacked in height he made up in brawn. He was muscular but also had agility. He worn the uniform of the palace guards but his helmet was gold signifying he was the captain of the guard. He quickly raced into the room and up to Kuzco, he bowed to him. "What is your bidding your highness," Brunt bellowed out in a loud thundering voice that had the tone of submissiveness. "Another happy meal?" "There is no time for product placements," Kuzco explained urgently. "Something terrible has happened." It was about this time that the guard stood up and noticed the one that was talking to him was a llama. "Demon llama!" "Oh no," the emperor groaned. "Not this bit again!" "You speak with the emperor's voice!" "Exactly Brunt," the llama pointed out. "Think about it. You saw the emperor come into this room. There are no other exits. I'm now standing in front of you speaking in the emperor's voice. What does that tell you?" "That. A demon llama swallowed the emperor!" "No you big lummox!" Kuzco yelled. "I'm the emperor! Me! Kuzco!" The anger of the old mean Kuzco got his attention. "I see," the defender paused to think. "You are the emperor. That means only one thing. You must be destroyed!" Brunt drew is sword. "What?" "Nothing personal," the guard explained almost sorry. "But there is an outstanding order that all demon llamas must be destroyed on sight!" "What moron made up that rule?" "The emperor!" "Ooops." The warrior started for the emperor, he was forced back. "What a great order!" Yzma finally broke in almost pleased. "Kill the demon llama! Destroy it! Die! Die! Die!" Brunt stopped in his tracks. "Of course that order goes fore demon cats as well." "What a stupid rule!" Since she was closer he raised his sword up high and pointed it down at her, she was too shocked to do anything. The sword was thrust down towards her! But she was yanked out of its path at the very last second, the end of the sword crashed into the floor where she was just standing. Yzma dangled from the llama's teeth by the scruff of her neck. They both watched as Brunt tried to pull the sword from the floor, he had no luck. The feline was then flipped onto the llama's back so he could speak. "You owe me one." "Then how about if I owe another one." She referred to the burly guard, he had successfully freed his sword and was preparing to use it on the duo. Kuzco yipped, turned around and raced for the open door. Brunt gave a battle cry and raced after them. The chase was on!
The llama Kuzco raced down the hall with Yzma still on his back, they were running for their very lives! Hot on their heels was Brunt and a squad of guards, they were determined that the royal decree of nothing demonized be allowed to live within the palace. For some big burly guys they were pretty fast, they stayed with their quarry. This did not go unnoticed. "Faster!" Yzma commanded in her squeaky voice as she looked back to the pursuers. "They're gaining on us!" "How about this?" Kuzco asked between pants. "I'll jump on your back and we'll see how fast you go." "That gives me an idea," the feline hitchhiker confessed as she looked forward again. Then she dug her claws into his back. He moaned with pain and started running faster. "I'll get you for that!" "Hey it worked!" That it did, the feline could see they were pulling away from the guards. "We're going to get away!" "Tell that to them." Yzma quickly looked forward again. As they approached a staircase another squad of guards were running up it. They were trapped! "We're trapped!" (Hey! I just said that!) "Not just yet!" The llama raced right the new group of guards. "Kill them both!" Brunt commanded. "They are demons!" The warriors drew their swords as Kuzco reached them. But as they raised them to attack her veer to one side and leaped into the air, he landed on the railing of the stairs and started sliding down it. "Booya!" He declared in victory as he continued to slide. "When I'm back as emperor I'm firing you all and hiring some real extras!" "I wouldn't get cocky just yet." Kuzco look over his shoulder at Yzma, she point ahead. He looked forward just in time to see they had reached the end of the railing. At the very end was a small statue. They were going to hit it! They both screamed like babies. At the last moment the llama jumped into the air and just cleared it, he continued to fly. "Look Jack I'm flying!" "Nothing to worry about." The llama came to a soft landing. A very soft landing. Into the arms of a very big and muscular guard. They were caught! "You mind telling him that there is nothing to worry about?" Kuzco ignored her, he was too busy struggling trying to get free but the warrior's grip was to tight. Escape was hopeless. "I will get a nice reward for capturing you," the big guard stated proudly. "Maybe even a position at the theme park." The captured pair quickly looked back towards the stairs, Brunt was racing down it towards them with all the other guards. It was hopeless! "Well now what emperor?" Kuzco's mind raced. He had to think of something and quick! He did not have to think long, a smile come across his face. "Look out behind you!" The llama declared in as a terrified voice he could muster. "There is a two-headed llama behind you!" "Nice try," the guard that had a firm hold on them laughed. "But that is the oldest trick in the book." "Then Yzma must have written it." "Hey!" "Look out!" The desperate llama cried again. "There is a three- headed llama behind you!" The guard gasped and dropped his prisoners, he quickly drew is sword. "Where?" By the time he realized he had been tricked Kuzco was racing away laughing with Yzma still on his back. "Sucker!" The guard screamed in rage and started after them, Brunt and the rest soon followed. Kuzco's laughter turned to fear, they were not out of this just yet. The chase was still on!
A short time later Kuzco and Yzma, who were still being chased by Brunt and his men, found themselves in a long hallway with many closed doors. In an effort of trying to elude capture Kuzco quickly went up to the closest door and flung it open. To his surprise there was a man on the other side in a business suit, he was talking on a cell phone. They looked at him in awe and bowed. "It is an extreme honor to meet you oh great king of Disney!" "Indeed it is since you hold our careers in your hands." He placed his hand over the receiver end of the phone. "Sorry babe," the man responded in a thick Californian voice. "I'm busy making deals on our next movie. Love your work. Let's do lunch." The man took his hand off the phone and continued to talk. "No I love the title," the businessman confessed as he closed the door. "Stick with Aladdin 31: Aladdin Looses His False Teeth." Kuzco and Yzma looked up. "We have just witnessed pure genius." "We're going to witness our death if we don't get moving!" They saw the guards coming right at them! They quickly raced through another door, and the guards quickly followed. A few seconds later Kuzco, minus Yzma, race back into the hall through a door on the opposite side of the hall. The pursuers appeared in a totally different doorway and gave chase. The llama ducked into another doorway, Brunt leads his men after him. Once they were gone Yzma appeared in another doorway, across the hall and disappear through another door. Doors were beginning to fly open and closed as Kuzco, Yzma, Brunt and the guards raced through them in all different directions as the chase continued. "This is weird," the talking llama quipped to himself as he continued to pop in and out of doors. "I have this sinking feeling 60's styled rock music should be accompanying us." (It's not the 1960's!) By now Yzma had caught up with him. After opening the next door they stopped in their tracks when he came face to face his personal theme song guy. He was a short man with a red Afro, boots and a white robe trimmed with gold. He was holding a microphone (I didn't know the Aztecs invent the microphone?) "What's new pussycat?" the singer asked the microphone as he looked down to the kitty. The words were followed by three whoas. Kuzco quickly slammed the door in his face and braced himself up against it. "Is he trying to get us sued?" "The is the risk you run with cameos." The guards were on them! They both screamed like little children, turned and ran down the hall. Brunt and his guards were in hot pursuit, the chase continued!
Soon after Kuzco was running with Yzma on his back. Though the guards were not in sight they could be heard near by. "Spread out!" Brunt could be heard yelling at him men. "Find them! Kill them!" Desperate, Kuzco raced through the nearest doorway. As he did a sign nearby caught his eye. "Kitchen?" (No! The other sign!) "Oh. Caution, floor just waxed." (That's the one) "This can't be good." "Bad for us," Yzma pointed out. "But good for comic relief." She was absolutely correct. As soon as they stepped into the kitchen they slipped on the freshly waxed floor and slid across the room. Unable to stop or even control their direction they crashed into a table full of pots and pans, they all fell down on them. The noise they made was deafening, like the worst thunderstorm multiplied by a million. It was so loud there was no way Brunt didn't know where they were now. "No sign of them," Brunt could be heard confessing off in the distance. "Looks like they got away." I said: It was so loud there was no way Brunt didn't know where they were now. "We might as well give up." Hey! They are in the kitchen! "Hmmm, something tells me we should search the kitchen." "Thanks a lot for giving away our position!" My pleasure. The guards could be heard coming closer but Kuzco was oblivious to all this. "This is insane!" The llama ranted and raved. "Who in their right mind would wax the floor in their kitchen so it is so slippery that it is begging for an accident to happen?" "The writer?" Kuzco was too angry to hear Yzma's explanation. Instead he slammed his hoof down on the table they had crashed into. One of the boards that made up its surface had become loose and acted like a titter tooter. The opposite end shot up and hit a rack of very sharp knives. The force drove the blades into the air and they arched towards the pair. "Excuse me your royal dumbness but." Yzma finished the sentence by pointing upwards towards the knives that were falling towards them at an alarming rate. By the time this was brought to his attention it was too late. They both just had enough time to grab each other and scream like little babies! Fortunately, all the blades missed them and stuck into the floor all around them. They both sighed with relief. "What were the odds of that?" "Pretty good since this is a G rated story." But before they could give thanks disaster struck. "Ah ha!" Brunt's voice declared as if he was standing in the same room as Kuzco, this was understandable since he was! He and his guards were at the doorway with their swords drawn and ready to kill. The llama and feline had just enough time to turn around and dash out the back door, before they left Yzma was again on his back. (Funny how the floor isn't so slick now) The guards gave chase one more time!
Brunt and his guards were hot on the heels, I mean paws and hoofs, of Kuzco and Yzma They raced down a hall that was heavily decorated with pictures and pottery. At the end of the hallway was a big red pot, the llama willingly rolled into it and busted into a million pieces. Yzma was perplexed. "What did you do that for?" "Nuts!" He declared with regret. "No coins." "This is no game!" (But The Emperor's New Grove Action Game is available from Disney Interactive) "Now it is time to meet your doom demons!" The animals looked toward the guards. They were right on top of them and their swords were held high ready to kill! The feline hiss and jumped back onto the llama's back. He tried to back away from them but discovered that the hallway was a dead end and they were on the dead part of it. They were trapped! "And how exactly did you become emperor?" "My parents were emperor and empress before me." "Let me rephrase that," Yzma states after pausing to contain her angry. "How did you become emperor after being so stupid?" "Relax," Kuzco tried to calm his ex-advisor. "I have a plan. See those two levelers in the wall behind us?" The kitty turned and looked at them, she could see them plain as day. "Pull the left one." "Didn't we do this same bit in the movie?" "Come on," the llama tried to reassure her again. "Only a really lame sequel would try and steal a gag from the original." "I guess you're right." Yzma reached back and pulled the lever. Instantly, the floor opened under them. "Wrong lever!" The heroes plunged through the trap door and into the darkness leaving the guard behind very perplexed.
Yzma and Kuzco plunged down a long narrow shaft to almost certain death! As they did they screamed all the way. "Okay maybe this is just a lame sequel." "No duh!" They continue to fall towards their death!
Down near the main entrance to the palace a guard was arguing with a traveling merchant, he was very angry with him. "Look!" The guard bellowed in a final tone. "I've been trying to tell you for months! We don't want any! We haven't ordered any! We will never order any! Take up your wares and leave!" The guard was referring to the trampoline that was set up as a demonstration nearby. Suddenly as almost as if on cue, which it was, Kuzco and Yzma fell from the sky and hit the trampoline square. They then bounced and headed upwards again. They could be heard saying. "Not only is this the lamest sequel ever but it is also the most unoriginal!" Both the guard and merchant witnessed this. "You were saying?" "We'll take it."
Back in the hallway the guards were about to leave when Kuzco and Yzma shot up through the trap door and landed before them. The guards quickly grabbed them. They struggled to escape but they had overpowered them. Brunt towered over with a big sneer on his face. "Like I said," the head guard boasted. "Now it is time to meet your doom demons!" They both looked at him as he raised the sword high over their heads, he was going to kill them! "You can't kill me!" The llama protested. "I'm the emperor!" "You're just a demon llama with the emperor's voice!" "Because I am the emperor!" "What you are is dead!" Brunt prepared to kill Kuzco! But the more he tried the less he succeeded. True he didn't think he was the true emperor but that voice, it sounded just like the emperor. Brunt had sworn to protect his emperor. He just couldn't do it. He just couldn't. "I just can't do it," Brunt explained as he lowered the sword. "I just can't." (See! What did I tell you?) He hung his head low. Kuzco and Yzma cheered. "But I know someone who can," he explained looking up again with a big smile. "Bring them!" Though the prisoners protested and pleaded they were forced to follow Brunt towards their doom!
Soon, Brunt and his guards dragged Yzma and Kuzco before a large window. Before they could say a word they were tossed out of it and began to fall towards their death once more! "You lied!" The llama declared. "You said you knew someone who would kill us but you just tossed us out the window!" The pair plummeted closer to their death!
Surprisingly, Yzma and Kuzco came to an abrupt end with a big loud splash. That's right, not a splat but a splash. They had both landed in the large moat surrounding the palace. Both animals broke the surface of the water and panted heavily. "I can't believe it!" The llama emperor declared. "We're alive! We're both alive!" "But for how long?" The wooly bully looked at her, she indicated the crocodiles that were now surrounding them. (Did you really expect us to have a moat without them?) They all glared at the two free meals as they licked their lips. Kuzco frantically look around for a way out but there was none! They were completely surrounded! Even if they did manage to get past the crocs they were made for water where a cat and llama were not, there was no escape for them this time. They were doomed for sure!
What will happen? Will Kuzco and Yzma find a way out or will they be a crocodile's happy meal? And even if they do manage to escape will Kuzco be stuck as a llama the rest of his life? But the biggest question of all. Will there be an Aladdin 31? Find these answers and more in the next exciting (aren't we pompous?) chapter of... De-Ja-Booya!